#34 Accents

It's amazing that it took us this long to get to accents but it is critical that you understand this Malaysian phenomenon. Although this post ties heavily into post #1 Studying Abroad and #26 Defying Ethnic Stereotypes, it definitely warrants its own entry as a Malaysian peculiarity that persists throughout time.

The faux accent is consistent with Malaysian people's love for all things foreign and Western. It would not be a cliche to use the saying, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If you're unsure what this accent sounds like, imagine a bad Michael Caine impressionist performing while under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs.

Generally, the Malaysian person develops an accent when returning from abroad or perhaps after one too many episodes of an American sitcom. The former is a common occurrence which explains the plethora of international accents you might hear rolling off Malaysian tongues. Be prepared to hear the excuse "I was there for so long, it's hard to just shake it off."

The average Malaysian is not able to discern between an English, American or Australian accent but just having one will sufficiently raise their social profile. It would not be an understatement to say that Malaysian people are fascinated by accents. Even a hypnotist would be hard pressed to produce anything close to this. In fact, Malaysian people in possession of accents receive better treatment from everyone and will even seem more attractive by virtue of their speech, regardless of their shortcomings. I know you're incredulous of this but believe me, it's true.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to developing an accent. Little things like grammatical deficiencies, illiteracy or lack of actual foreign experience can be discounted. All that matters is that the accent sounds different and affected. No one really knows what a genuine one sounds like anyway since they're all doing the same thing. To avoid being labelled pretentious, some Malaysian people occasionally use Manglish
terms to show that they have not completely abandoned their lingua franca.

Most of the time, Malaysian people speak Manglish but there are certain occasions or incidents which prompt them to change their inflection (if they aren't retaining it permanently already). One situation which calls for it is an encounter with you, the foreigner. You may wonder why your Malaysian friend has adopted a manner of speech so uncommon and awkward and you may even be a little offended. No, they're not making fun of your dulcet tones or your delightful lilt. They're being hospitable and trying to make you feel at home, silly! Make sure you indulge in this charade and show appreciation for their efforts.

Having an accent also helps impress newly-made acquaintances, as mentioned earlier.

"Hey, you know that guy who just came back from abroad?"

"Which one? There's so many of them."

"The one who has the cute British accent."

"Yeah, you should totally date him. It's a known fact that Brits are posh and sophisticated which by virtue of his accent, means he is too. It's the theory of relativity. You can't fight science."

Malaysian people will sometimes erroneously refer to an accent as "slang". You must excuse this for it is just as common for them to confuse terminology as they confuse people with their accents. But you must remember never to imply that a Malaysian person's accent is false or fabricated. This will lead to a long argument that will leave you questioning the authenticity of your own accent.

Note: If you encounter a foreigner with a Malaysian accent, you must report it to the authorities immediately for posterity and further study. Such an incident has never been documented in history and would present academicians and anthropologists with groundbreaking research material.

#30 Reinventing Their Names

What’s in a name? For Malaysian people, a lot. When you next talk to your Malaysian friend, try asking them about their name and its origins. There is probably a deep seated meaning and history behind their name but unfortunately, you’ll never find out what it is because Malaysian people adopt new monikers or alter their names as soon as they develop social awareness.

Malaysian people are aware that their names are not just a string of alphabets thrown together. Names reflect their personalities and background. Therefore they take great steps to alter their names to convey the sort of persona they desire. For some Malaysian people who were given more conservative and ethnically influenced names, it is a good idea to shorten them or perhaps add an English name. For instance; a name like Katijah could be shortened to "Kat" or maybe even “K”. Another example would be someone with the name Chong Ah Kow repackaging himself as Engelbert Chong to project maturity and sophistication.

For some Malaysian people who lack imagination, they simply form an acronym with their initials; Palanivel Janarthanan would henceforth be known as “PJ”. There are also some who deem their names not rexotic or unique enough and thus find solace in names such as Nanako or Ferrari. Once in awhile, you might encounter a Malaysian with a name like Sarah Dominique Lee. Notice that it contains only an ambiguous surname, a middle name and betrays no sign of the ethnicity. This is a well planned and foresightful method to naming children. A Malaysian person with this form of name at birth will have a head start in life.

The subtle changes made to their names ensure the Malaysian person’s desired personality is effectively communicated (pronunciation and spelling is arbitrary). However, given the inherent Malaysian need to one-up others, many have begun resorting to more extreme measures, resulting in names that have yet to appear on any birth certificate in history (Million, Celestial, Che Gustafa, Zique, Rikosama, Xobile!).

If you come across such colorful Malaysians, you must first smile and nod in quiet appreciation of their creativity in coining such a semantic symphony. Next, ask them what it means. Their answer is likely to be trifle but that doesn’t matter. The point is that you gave them a chance to talk about themselves which will sufficiently endear you to them. To seal the deal, stare admiringly at them and say, "Whoa. That is so deep."