Malaysian Problems- English Butchery

The Article:

"35% Of Teachers Lack Good Command Of English". R.S.N. Murali. The Star Online. September 4th 2008.

The Problem:

For as long as the English language has existed in Malaysia, Malaysian people have been butchering it mercilessly to the point that Manglish is now acknowledged as a language in its own right.

This also presents those with a copacetic grasp of English the opportunity to lord it over those less fluent and build themselves a reservoir of confidence that they are better than others who commit grammatical crimes and syntax sins.

The Solution:

Establish laws to punish crimes against the English language. Previously, perpetrators escaped with impunity but harsher enforcement must be taken to ensure that Malaysia is no longer mocked or derided over its language liberties. It would therefore be punishable by law to commit the following misdemeanors:

1. wRiTinG LiKe tHis
2. Writing. Like. This.
3. Claiming to be an author or writer when only literary accomplishment is a blog
4. Copious use of the term "no pun intended" or "wtf", "lol" and "omg"

Punishment and rehabilitation includes forced adoption of the Queen's English and excessive dictation as well as accent refinement.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Malaysian people who self-righteously demean and chide those they deem lesser than them for having poor English will be sentenced to teaching English without pay in rural schools, kindergartens and karaoke joints to learn empathy and humility.

Stuff Mentioned

• Manglish
• Accents
• Defying Ethnic Stereotypes
• Studying Abroad
  

Thanks to everyone who either mentioned, suggested or contributed to the elements mentioned in this post.

#3 Manglish

Perhaps the most distinct and unique Malaysianism is the use of Manglish.

Manglish is a quaint colloquial style developed by Malaysia's melting pot of races (Chinese+Malay+Indian) since the country's colonialism by the British way back in the `50s.

Malaysians will have you know that Manglish is a certifiable, legitimate language of its own. Foreigners who attempt to speak Manglish are normally greeted with facetious praise.

Some common uses of Manglish:

"I'm on the way lah, on the way, on the way!"- lah is ubiquitously used and repetition is mandatory in Manglish.

"You got umbrella-ella-ella or not?"- use of got and or not is complementary and mostly to question.

"I can teach you how my milkshake is better than yours but I have to charge lor"- use of lor is mostly redundant in a grammatical sense but vital to Manglish execution.

To further illustrate use of Manglish, take this conversation for an example:

Mohammad Ali : Simon, you say want to lend me your car next week, sure or not?
Simon Khow : Your head lah, I was drunk then. Don't remember liao. Don't have, don't have.
Belen Singh : Yeah lah, Simon. I also heard you promise him. Where can like that one?
Simon Khow : What? Cannot ah? Want fight is it?
Mohammad Ali : Confucius say Chinaman with beer in hand acquires short term memory loss.

For tourists or foreigners unaccustomed to such difficult manner of speech, you must never disapprove of Manglish yet you should not attempt to imitate it. It is best that you either gaze pensively or laugh appreciatively to gain your Malaysian friend's approval and trust.