#16 Blogs

The presence of the Internet has been both a blessing and a curse for Malaysians. Malaysians who were once repressed now have an outlet to air their feelings and thoughts through blogs. On the other hand, everyone who is anyone can air their opinions online and call themselves "writers" in their attempts to make a quick buck and get on the fast track to fame.

The Malaysian blogosphere has different standards for men and women. First we shall explore the types of blogs females keep. The typical blog kept by a young female Malaysian is her first stab at airing her emotions and thoughts which in the old days, were written in a diary. The impetus for her blog is normally a traumatic break up or a dearth of attention from society. The first type of female blogger is what we shall call the "Visual Aid" blogger. The Visual Aid blogger chronicles her life as a social butterfly, fluttering from one hip party to another and illustrates this with an endless stream of enticing pictures which are photoshopped to create dazzling cinematic effects. The Visual Aider also delights in telling you about her perfect boyfriend and how he does perfect things for her in their perfect little life. Until they break up of course, which will then result in the Visual Aider writing a long, melodramatic and grammatically challenged soliloquy. (Don't worry, they'll reconcile within two days.)

The advantage of this type of blog is that one need not be encumbered by intellectual or even grammatical deficiencies, all you need are pleasing aesthetics, a cameraman and a dictionary. Occasionally, the Visual Aider will use some words in between the pictures but this is nothing to worry about. This is to show that she is not only beautiful but also intelligent and is smart enough to incorporate puns or jokes she found using Google. This form of blog is the most popular kind in Malaysia. Some have even evolved from pure bloggers to C-list celebrities through their forays into the entertainment industry. If their vivid imagery and clever use of the thesaurus doesn't generate enough traffic, they resort to starting blog wars with other female bloggers.

The other type of female blogger is what we shall call the "Intellectual Idealist". The Intellectual Idealist does not share the Visual Aider's fondness for attention and photography but feels the burning need to vent her frustrations and dissatisfaction with the world at large through her vagina monologues. She is opinionated, very well read (Austen is her favourite author of course), has lofty ambitions and great expectations of her future partner (if he should ever come). Their blogs frequently contain phrases such as "I just haven't found a man who can fulfill my intellectual and emotional needs" or "I believe in true love. On my own terms". These tortured Intellectuals generally intimidate the average Malaysian man and represent the largest customer segment for Malaysian bookstores. They also have the potential of either becoming bitter old spinsters or members of Parliament.

Men on the other hand, are very straightforward when it comes to blogs. Due to the fact that Malaysian men generally don't read (blogs), when they do it's only for appreciation & stimulation purposes. The only niche for male bloggers to succeed is by running a personal blog that ridicules oneself and provides crude humor to the public. Alternately, you could provide a blog dispensing information on IT and technological devices, politics (high risk) or food. But bear in mind you will never garner as much traffic as Visual Aid blogs. This is because the value of blogs in Malaysia are determined not by their content, but by the traffic they generate. It is important to note that Malaysian blog readers are very loyal to the bloggers they idolise and would not dream of reading other blogs unless they have been told to do so by the ruling blogosphere elite.

It is imperative that you recognise a Malaysian blogger's efforts as nothing short of Pulitzer Prize material and that his or her musings are profoundly insightful. Anything short of pedestal placing on your part will result in a very negative post dedicated to you. Honest to blog.

Further reading on Internet phenomenon here and here.

#11 Jumping On The Bandwagon @ Kiasuism

Although Malaysia is a vastly diverse country with considerable culture, there is a searing need to jump on the bandwagon or ape the latest trend that penetrates the local hemisphere and is deemed "cool" by self proclaimed local taste makers. In local terms, this trait is called "kiasu", a Hokkien term denoting fear of losing out.

Malaysians are not discerning when it comes to the trends they adopt and obsess over. The only requisites are that said trend/fad must come from foreign places and that it is hip in the eyes of their peers. Whether this is a new food establishment, fashion trend or even worshipping of celebrities (see previous post #10) & bloggers (future post), all Malaysians will move towards it like moths to a flame if it serves their ego and improves others' perception of them.

Some recent trends or developments favored by Malaysians: supporting newly successful foreign football teams, wearing scarves and skinny jeans (weather apparently does not deter fashionistas/victims), queueing for hours for popular donuts from otherwise ordinary establishment and promoting a certain cause or petititon which they don't really know much about (online support of releasing political prisoners makes you appear both anti-establishment and cool, depite the fact that you don't really care and would deny it completely should the federal authorities approach you).

This speaks volumes of the average Malaysian's insecurities that they are not contemporary or worldly enough. Now this is where you can take advantage of the situation for your own amusement or benefit. Put on your most convincing face and say to a Malaysian, "Y'know, the Urkel look is really hip in the States. It combines a sense of wholesomeness, nostalgia and intelligence. Everyone is digging it". Now sit back and be amused as the Malaysian rethinks his entire wardrobe.

But if you want to turn their insecurities into you own personal gain, try something like this; "Hey guys, have you checked out my blog recently? I used to be under the radar but I'm getting insane traffic these days and all these celebrity bloggers like XXX and AAA are saying how smart and witty I am. I think my blog is going to go global". You can now pat yourself on the back for a sly use of namedropping and reap the benefits. Enjoy.


*Caution: Constant manipulation of bandwagonners will cause them to develop schizophrenia or loss of identity. Proceed with care.