July 3, 2008

#16 Blogs

The presence of the Internet has been both a blessing and a curse for Malaysians. Malaysians who were once repressed now have an outlet to air their feelings and thoughts through blogs. On the other hand, everyone who is anyone can air their opinions online and call themselves "writers" in their attempts to make a quick buck and get on the fast track to fame.

The Malaysian blogosphere has different standards for men and women. First we shall explore the types of blogs females keep. The typical blog kept by a young female Malaysian is her first stab at airing her emotions and thoughts which in the old days, were written in a diary. The impetus for her blog is normally a traumatic break up or a dearth of attention from society. The first type of female blogger is what we shall call the "Visual Aid" blogger. The Visual Aid blogger chronicles her life as a social butterfly, fluttering from one hip party to another and illustrates this with an endless stream of enticing pictures which are photoshopped to create dazzling cinematic effects. The Visual Aider also delights in telling you about her perfect boyfriend and how he does perfect things for her in their perfect little life. Until they break up of course, which will then result in the Visual Aider writing a long, melodramatic and grammatically challenged soliloquy. (Don't worry, they'll reconcile within two days.)

The advantage of this type of blog is that one need not be encumbered by intellectual or even grammatical deficiencies, all you need are pleasing aesthetics, a cameraman and a dictionary. Occasionally, the Visual Aider will use some words in between the pictures but this is nothing to worry about. This is to show that she is not only beautiful but also intelligent and is smart enough to incorporate puns or jokes she found using Google. This form of blog is the most popular kind in Malaysia. Some have even evolved from pure bloggers to C-list celebrities through their forays into the entertainment industry. If their vivid imagery and clever use of the thesaurus doesn't generate enough traffic, they resort to starting blog wars with other female bloggers.

The other type of female blogger is what we shall call the "Intellectual Idealist". The Intellectual Idealist does not share the Visual Aider's fondness for attention and photography but feels the burning need to vent her frustrations and dissatisfaction with the world at large through her vagina monologues. She is opinionated, very well read (Austen is her favourite author of course), has lofty ambitions and great expectations of her future partner (if he should ever come). Their blogs frequently contain phrases such as "I just haven't found a man who can fulfill my intellectual and emotional needs" or "I believe in true love. On my own terms". These tortured Intellectuals generally intimidate the average Malaysian man and represent the largest customer segment for Malaysian bookstores. They also have the potential of either becoming bitter old spinsters or members of Parliament.

Men on the other hand, are very straightforward when it comes to blogs. Due to the fact that Malaysian men generally don't read (blogs), when they do it's only for appreciation & stimulation purposes. The only niche for male bloggers to succeed is by running a personal blog that ridicules oneself and provides crude humor to the public. Alternately, you could provide a blog dispensing information on IT and technological devices, politics (high risk) or food. But bear in mind you will never garner as much traffic as Visual Aid blogs. This is because the value of blogs in Malaysia are determined not by their content, but by the traffic they generate. It is important to note that Malaysian blog readers are very loyal to the bloggers they idolise and would not dream of reading other blogs unless they have been told to do so by the ruling blogosphere elite.

It is imperative that you recognise a Malaysian blogger's efforts as nothing short of Pulitzer Prize material and that his or her musings are profoundly insightful. Anything short of pedestal placing on your part will result in a very negative post dedicated to you. Honest to blog.



Further reading on Internet phenomenon here and here.

9 comments:

joshuaongys said...

interesting stuffs...

B.H. said...

Hi Joshua,

Thanks for your observation. Make sure you spread the word and come back soon!

B.H.

Justin Choo said...

So ,if you still consider yourself a Malaysian, which ctegory will you fit in?

B.H. said...

Hi Justin,

I believe I fall under the Misfit category; the kind who says things people don't normally like to hear.

By the way, my status as a Malaysian has never been in doubt. My geographic placement is merely temporary.

Thanks for reading!

B.H.

Hanis Zalikha said...

very very interesting blog. one hell of a read! keep it up. im coming back for more.

definitely linking you :) have a nice weekend.

B.H. said...

Hi Hanis,

It is certainly very kind of you to say so. Your linkage is most appreciated. By the way, I think it was an utter travesty that you didn't win. But I'm sure you'll do well.

See you around!

B.H.

Anonymous said...

no1 is posting comments cos they dont want 2 expose themselves as d type of bloggers mentioned in d post

i know which bloggers u are talking about

kennysia
nicolekiss
ringo

heck i think they were all fucking at one point in exchange for links to leech on kenny's traffic

baitycariem said...

Glad to found this blog, keep it up!
I'll recommend to friends and surely linking you =)

B.H. said...

Anonymous: thanks for the 411
Baitycariem: much obliged, come back soon.

B.H.