September 8, 2008

Malaysian Problems- English Butchery

The Article:

"35% Of Teachers Lack Good Command Of English". R.S.N. Murali. The Star Online. September 4th 2008.

The Problem:

For as long as the English language has existed in Malaysia, Malaysian people have been butchering it mercilessly to the point that Manglish is now acknowledged as a language in its own right.

This also presents those with a copacetic grasp of English the opportunity to lord it over those less fluent and build themselves a reservoir of confidence that they are better than others who commit grammatical crimes and syntax sins.

The Solution:

Establish laws to punish crimes against the English language. Previously, perpetrators escaped with impunity but harsher enforcement must be taken to ensure that Malaysia is no longer mocked or derided over its language liberties. It would therefore be punishable by law to commit the following misdemeanors:

  1. wRiTinG LiKe tHis
  2. Writing. Like. This.
  3. Claiming to be an author or writer when only literary accomplishment is a blog
  4. Copious use of the term "no pun intended" or "wtf", "lol" and "omg"

Punishment and rehabilitation includes forced adoption of the Queen's English and excessive dictation as well as accent refinement.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Malaysian people who self-righteously demean and chide those they deem lesser than them for having poor English will be sentenced to teaching English without pay in rural schools, kindergartens and karaoke joints to learn empathy and humility.

Stuff Mentioned

Thanks to everyone who either mentioned, suggested or contributed to the elements mentioned in this post.


Grace said...

"wRiTinG LiKe tHis"

People who do that must go to jail. Either that or I'll end up in jail. For killing all of them.

s kim said...

no pun intended omg wtf lol

Sparkles said...

HAHA.okay, I get no pun intended omg wtf lol.

But tHISsss, I really don't get. Why would any mature, sane adult write like that?

I meet them in person and they seem normal enough. Then I read their status on facebook, "I am sO tIreDzzz".

aBBcDDD uSerz, why do you write like tHiS?

Sparkles said...

After I get an answer, I will haul my elitist ass to the nearest karaoke joint.

Grace said...

I don't get the zzz trend as well, sparkles.

The ZOMG, coolz, byez, hyez, an extra 'z' would mean extra effort. And the 'z' has no phonetic use at all. They use 'TQ' and 'On9' but say 'Heyzzzz', I don't get it. LOL.

B.H. said...


Some things are better left unexplained but I think that style of prose is a misguided attempt at adding color and character to their words.

Now please report to the nearest KTV.


It's only words, and words are all they have to take your heart away.


Grace said...

apparently, the internet lingo has taken people's literacy and brains away. And it took my sense of tolerance away as well. Double-edged sword as some might call it.

Grace said...

sorry, I forgot to add the word 'excessive'. Excessive internet lingo.

Jervynna said...

its funny how people from other country can identify malaysians so easily just by hearing them speak. haha! I was on the train once and I was talking to my friends. Then there was this ang moh guy he looked at me and smiled then said, "which part of Malaysia are you from?"

Poppy said...

~~~ eh you blardy english ed banana. bery powderful issit???

why u make fun??? :((((

De ***alternating caps lock*** style has gone out of style, ok wtfomgbbq??? -_-

u noe or not?? ~~~~

Now is SMS style la, u backwd fella. ~~~ ^_^

U also neber touch on lolcat style la. Epic fail, ur doinz it wrong.

Poppy said...

c whut I did? I pwned u there lolz lulz.

zewt said...

ok, i shall not refer myself as an author or a write... haha!

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